Boxer and Athelete

A boxer went inside the toilet attached to the waiting room in the railway station.He had the fear of losing his overcoat as it was very expensive.So he fastened a card on it and left it on a peg in the room.The following lines were scribbled on the card:"Owned by a famous boxer who will be back in few minutes".
 After sometime he came back to take his overcoat.On the peg he found a card that read,"Taken by a champion athlete who is not coming back!"

Folks,it so often happens that we consider ourselves very smart and tend to underestimate others.This is what happens such times! LOL..In my life too,oversmartness has backfired on me many times..:-)

You pumped eight gallons of water into the tank

The summer home of Thomas Alva Edison,famous inventor,was filled with labor saving devices which he had concieved and perfected.One day, when he was showing a party of friends through the place,a guest commented that everything seemed to work smoothly except for a revolving gate in the garden.
"I had to lean all my weight against it to get past," she complained.
"Ah! when you pushed through that revolving gate,you pumped eight gallons of water into the tank on my roof,"said Edison with a twinkle in his eye!

Economist

Economist is a person who knows more about money than the people who have it!

picture courtesy: the economist magazine

What do you two talk about?

Prof.Albert Einstein,the great scientist was very unassuming and homely.A 12 year old girl used to drop in on Mr.Einstein on her way home from the school.Her parents were happy but somewhat surprised too.One evening the little girl's mother asked the professor,"What do you teo talk about everyday?"
"Oh", laughed the world famous scientist,"She brings me cookies and i do arithematic for her".

Donkeys donot eat mangoes

Hakim Raziuddin,an intimate friend of Mirza Ghalib didnot like the taste of mangoes.One day he was sitting with Ghalib.The street was covered with mango peels.A donkey passing through the street stopped for a time,sniffed at the peels and went on.
On seeing this,Hakim remarked with a smile,"Look mirza, a mango is such a thing that even the donkeys donot eat".
Ghalib calmly replied,"Yes sir, no doubt the donkeys donot eat mangoes".

I love to address the cream of the audience

Mark twain was to address a meeting at 7 p.m and about 5000 of his fans gathered to hear him.But he didnot turn up.An announcement was made that Mark Twain could not come,but would be coming the next day at 7 p.m. to address them.Next day only 1000 people gathered to hear him,but he didnot come.Once again it was announced that he would come the next day at 7 p.m. and address the meeting.As announced Mark Tawin came,but there were only 500 people in the audience and he could make out from their faces that they were irritated and hostile.Mark Twain did not start his speech by apologising for his non appearance on the two previous days.But said,"Ladies and Gentleman,I didnot come day before yesterday;I didnot come yesterday purposefully,because i didnot wish to address a crowd- but i love to address the cream of the audience and here in you i find the cream".There was an applause and the hostile fans turned into humble,attentive fans.

Least qualified person

Lal Bahadur Shastri,the late prime minister of India,was once asked to open a family planning centre.After the inauguration ceremony was over,everyone expected the prime minister to make a speech.But he seemed reluctant.Finally,after several officials had urged him to say atleast few words,Shastriji began,"As the father of six children,I must be the least qualified person to say anything on this occasion".

Tit for a tat

Before becoming sixth president of USA,Abraham Lincoln was practicing law.Once a rich man became his client for a case.The case was a just a two and a half dollars debt case.A poor customer had borrowed money from the rich man,but still had two and a half dollars of debt left,which he couldnt clear due to problems from many years.
Lawyer Lincoln said,"Why are you sueing the poor man for just two and a half dollars when you are so rich? Let it go.The court expenses will be more than the money you are expecting to win out of this case"
The rich man replied,"I dont care about the expenses.All i want to do is teach the man a lesson."
Lincoln thought for a while and said,"Alright,My fees will be ten dollars if i have to take up your case."
The rich man said,"No issues."
Later Lincoln went to the poor man's home,gave him 5 dollars and said,"Go and pay the debt of that stubborn rich man because he is planning to sue you in the court.But donot tell anyone i gave this money to you!"
The surprised poor man asked,"Who are you and why are you giving me this?"
Lincoln replied,"I am his lawyer and i dont want to waste my time on this case!"

I have very small hands

Mother took her son to the store.The store keeper was an acquaint.Seeing the kid,he pointed at the chocolate boxes and told him to take whichever he wanted.The kid stood simply.The shopkeeper asked the lady,"Sister you wont scold the child if he took the chocolate.isnt it?" She said,"No,i wont."
Even after forcing a lot the kid stood silently.Finally the shopkeeper himself took out a handful of chocolates and gave it to the kid.
On way back home,mother asked,"Why didnt you take the chocolate even after uncle was forcing you so much?"
The kid said,"I have very small hands.If i had taken,i would have got very few.But since the uncle gave it from his hands,see how many i have now!"

Mamma,you look so beautiful today!

During the evening,the 4 year old toddler started to curl around its mother's legs like a cat and kept climbing upon her.Mother was surprised by its unusual behaviour.She took it in her arms and cuddled it and asked,"What is so special today.Why is my baby so much in love with its mom today?".
Baby said in its broken words,"Mamma,you look so beautiful today."
Mother asked back smiling,"Why so?"
Baby said,"You havent been angry on me at all since morning today.Thats why"

Please accept its death calmly!

Zen teacher Ik-yu was very sharp and intelligent right at young age itself.He captured everyone's attention by his wit and smartness.Ik-yu's master had a precious antique beautiful tea cup which he loved a lot.One day as Ik-yu was cleaning master's room,it fell off his hands accidently and broke.Ik-yu was worried how to tell the teacher about his mistake.The same time,he heard the footsteps of the master approaching his room.
He hid the broken cup behind and stood humbly in front of the master and asked."Teacher,I have a question.Please clear my doubt.Why do people die in this world? Cant we escape it?"
The master explained,"Everyone and everything has death in this world that is natural phenomenon.There is no escpaing it ever.It has to be accepted with calm mind no matter what."
Immediately Ik-yu brought the broken cup in front of him and sheepishly said,"Your antique tea cup died today.Please accept its death calmly!"

Isnt Dad a true Brahmin?

He wasn't ritualistic being a Hindu Brahmin.But he wanted to his child to learn and follow everything.When the son was 8,he carried out his upanayana and said," See child! from now onwards you have to do sandhyavandanam daily twice and do everything that is said in Brahmin caste.Then you will be a true Brahmin.The father went out and the son suddenly turned to his mother and asked,"Mom,Isnt Dad a true Brahmin?Why doesnt he do sandhyavandanam or any other ritual said?"

please note: No religious,caste feelings regarding this post,whatsoever.Its just a witty story

More people will assemble too see me if am hanged in public!

Winston Churchill was recognised in this world mainly because of his talking skills.He was one of the greatest orator and people used to flock to hear him speak in public.Someone who observed this in Chruchill's initial days as a public speaker remarked,"Sir! I have never seen people flocking just to see someone"
Churchill seemed unfazed and replied,"Yes! what you are saying is true.More people than now will flock if am hanged in public"

I have no weights of my own!

A baker went to the court and lodged a complaint with the judge. He said,"Sir,the 100 gram ghee which I purchased from this vendor weighs 700 gram only".
The judge called the vendor and ordered him to to bring his weights and balance to see that it was correct or not.
The vendor said," Your honour,I have no weights of my own. I weighed the ghee by using the 1000 gram bread which I had purchased from this baker ! "

what is the meaning of this?

Sri Ramana Maharshi's Tamil teacher visited him many years after the Maharshi left his school in Madhurai.Maharshi recognized his teacher and gave him a copy of one of his books in Tamil.The teacher was impressed with the composition of the Maharshi.He asked him the meaning of a verse in his book.The Maharshi looked at the people standing nearby and said,"Look at him.i did not want to be bothered by such questions.He comes all the way from Madhurai to this place [Tiruvannamalai] and asks me again,"What is the meaning of this?"

Bank accounts are like toothpaste,Easy to take out but hard to put back!

Komal:)

British head down!

In 1937,when Rajaji C Rajgopalachari was the chief minister of the Madras province,an interesting insident happened.
He called one of the personel and handled him an envelope and asked to bring it back stamped.That person,in a haste,pasted the stamp in inverted position, and brought it back to Rajaji.Suddenly Rajaji,patted his back with applause and said ,"Bravo! you have done a very good job.Since many years all our efforts to put down the British Head has failed till today.But you did it in a second!
The picture in that stamp was that of King George V of England!

Komal :)

Definition of a wife

A wife is a woman who stands by her husband through all the trouble he wouldn't have had if he had stayed single!

Life is cruel to men!

Life is cruel to men..!
When they are born,their mothers get the compliments and flowers.

When they are married their brides get the presents and publicity.

And when they die,their wives get the insurance.